The first Predator movie certainly did not lack one thing… Testosterone. It was an all male team going in and getting shit done… mostly by blowing shit up. Dutch at one point says, “We’re a rescue team, not assassins”… We’ll they certainly could have been, seeing as everyone they ran into turned up blowed up.
In the new movie, it is Adrien Brody who gets the honor, and yes, it truly is an honor, to go head to heads with The Predators on their home planet. Now while I think Brody is a fantastic actor and whole heartedly believe he should be the one to play Spike Spiegel in a live action Cowboy Bebop Movie… should he have been the one to take on The Predators… on THEIR home planet???
He certainly not would be my first choice… not as Team Leader… maybe as supporting crew… but not Team Leader. However, I do support him and want this movie to be awesome, so I can not wait to see it. But here as 5 others I would have liked to see take on a Planet of Predators:
5) Zoe Bell
From a producer standpoint… If I HAD to pick a woman, I would probably go with someone like Michelle Rodriguez. But I am not a producer. I am a film fanatic. So instead, I pick the lovely Zoe Bell…
I would not pick a woman to take on the Planet of Predators. Nothing against women, I think they are a lovely and beautiful people. But let’s face it… Predator had Arnold Schwarzenegger. You don’t go from The Action God Himself taking on one Predator to a woman taking on several. Besides, they tried that in Alien Vs Predator. And it didn’t work.
But, if there were one person to do it, it would be Zoe Bell. The woman who took on Kurt Russell while she was on the hood of a 69 Dodge Charger driving 60/70 MPH. The woman who took on the crazy 88… but in a… behind the scenes kind of way.
If she were in the movie, it would probably have a different tone. A not quite as badass tone, more of a cheesy feel. Which I would be okay with. But first, I want to see a badass version.
4) Chris Evans
Marvel’s got this guy as the New Captain America. And how I feel about that is a whole different post (short version: not my first pick, but hopeful – like Brody in Predators!) And he is no stranger to action movies… also starring in Fantastic Four as a Fire Man, the latter half of Sunshine, Push, The Losers, and the upcoming Scott Pilgrim.
He’s got quite an impressive list for someone you don’t immediately associate with action. However, the one thing he doesn’t have, is his Ultimate Badass movie, where he can really let loose and join the ranks of Action Hero Hall of Fame. For that he would need something big, something like Predators…
(Note: the same could be said for Sam Worthington. He was in Avatar, T4, and Clashing Titans, but he doesn’t have his Badass Hero Movie. I however, personally prefer Evans over Worthington and would rather give the spoils to him instead.)
3) Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Jeffrey Dean Morgan is starting to slowly make a name for himself in the action world. He was also in The Losers, as the head honcho who held everything together and I think the movie rested pretty well on his shoulders. He had a bit part in Jonah Hex and although he didn’t do any real action in it, he still was in it. And he also was in one of the most powerfully badass and precise fight scenes of the past 10 years… The Comedian vs The Unknown Assassin in the opening fight scene of The Watchmen. That fight scene right there should guarantee him some roles in upcoming actioners, plus he really knocked the role of The Comedian out of the park in terms of the rest of the movie.
Morgan is the start on this list where we start to get into the Muscle Men. The Schwarzenegger replacements. I think you give Morgan a few months of training, a cigar, and a machine gun and the man is looking pretty badass and ready to fight some Predators. Plus under the right direction he could probably bring some charismatic positivity to the whole “We’ve been dropped onto a planet full of super alien assassin warriors” thing.
2) Ray Stevenson
The man was The Punisher. Only two people can say that (we don’t count Lungren because he didn’t wear The Skull). And I don’t know how you feel about Stevenson as Frank Castle, but I think he was a fantastically awesome choice. Sure, his script wasa little weaker on the Punisher one liners and a little more comical when it came to the villainry, but the man looked the part. He is big and constantly pissed the fuck off. That’s who I want to see take on some Predators.
With Stevenson as the new ‘Dutch’, the movie’s tone would be dark and serious. None of this cutesy pause for one liners and pat each other on the back shit. I’m talking some serious Badass Beatdown and Death scenes. Okay… maybe I was a little out of hand. He can have some one liners, but when he says them, he should take them seriously and always through gritted teeth, never with a smirk.
I can’t wait to see what Stevenson does with his action career and I hope he gets the chance to play some great leading roles. But more importantly, I hope he gets the chance to play some badass villains.
1) The Rock
Oh… Dwayne Johnson… how you took something great, and squandered it for God knows why…
The Rock was a wrestling sensation. Now, I never watched wrestling, but I do watch action movies. And this man was born to be in them. Okay, his bit role in The Mummy Returns was mostly artificial build up to a lame side character. And The Scorpion King’s own spin off was mostly lame as well. But The Rock was also in Walking Tall, which featured some good old fashioned vigilante justice and Rock Beatdowns. He was also in The Rundown, a wonderfully paced action comedy blockbuster that had some great action scenes to back it up. As for Doom, well, let’s just forget about Doom…
But then this man just decided to throw away his action career for a kids comedy career. Maybe it is because kids are less judgmental and mean and The Rock has feeling’s too and doesn’t like it when you call his action movies bad. I don’t know, but it just seems awfully selfish to throw away that body and the talent to back it up, on a bunch of kids comedies. He should be required by film law to make at least one great Arnold Stlye Action Movie every three years. And three years is being generous.
This man could have been the one to take on The New Action God Title. In The Rundown there is even a part where Arnold himself passes The Rock and says “Good Luck” (or something like that). He passed the torch to him! Officially! And The Rock Squandered it. Let is just fizzle out.
What better way to relight that torch and start a new era of action movies, for a new generation, then sending The Rock to fight an entire planet of Ugly Motherfuckers?
This could have been The Rock’s shining comeback and promise to action fans that all will be right in the world. But no, instead he is probably working on some movie where he turns into a dog whenever his kids sneeze or something like that.
With Arnold in Office and the Rock in Candyland, at least we have Stallone picking up the torch with next month’s The Expendables.
And until The Expendales, check out Adrien Brody in Predators. Hey… at least it isn’t Danny Glover again…