Movie-Mayhem-Mania Mayhem!!!

So I have been slacking off mega time when it comes to reviews. Part of the problem is I see 3 movies at a time. Yes, I am a movie hopper. Mostly out of budget related necessity, but its also… therapeutic. Some people go to the spa. I spend all day at the movies.

Well, once you let one weeks worth of movies back up, its hard to get caught up. Then you find yourself in the downward spiral of, “well, I’m already behind…” so you just keep putting it off and putting it off. Well not anymore.

These movie reviews will be short and sweet. There’s a lot to go through.

The Other Guys

Story: Will Ferrell and Mark Whalberg play ‘The Other Guys’ in the action movie. The guys who don’t get the job done. But this time… they will!

Review: Decently funny. Will Ferrell is not as annoying as Mark Wahlberg’s character. Ferrell actually does really well here and shows a lot of restarint, unleashing his goofy side when necessary. Wahlberg just yells a lot. Its not his fault, his character is just poorly written.  The plot is predictable but the jokes are fun.

Grade: B

The Expendables

Story: Badasses be badasses be badasses.

Review: Stallone’s throwback to the 80’s muscle action flicks feels just like one. Incomplete somehow, but it doesn’t matter. Stallone seeks to make us remember what Action Icons on screen look like. A little too much CGI blood and sloppy hand to hand fights, but every character is badass. Its Testosterone on Steroids… To The Max!

Grade: A

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

Story: Michael Cera mopes and wines for his love at first sight crush. Don’t worry, the movie is good.

Review: Not one minute of this movie went to waste. Every second is filled with some sort of visual styling or joke. This is the kind of movie I would be making if I were making movies. Just maybe, not so hipster-y. This movie is filled with so many tiny touches and nuggets and the pacing is lightning quick. Loved every second.

Grade: A+

Predators

Story: Adrian Brody proves he can do anything by playing a badass commando as he and several other find themselves on a planet… of PREDATORS!!!

Review: Settled for cool when it should have strived for badass. They had the right idea, they just didn’t have as much fun or precision as the original. But still… its Predators. The whole movie is basically one giant action scene.

Final Grade: B+

Piranha 3D

Story: A bunch of fish attack a bunch of people.

Review: A little slow to start and mostly CGI-filled (a big no-no for horror/slasher movie) it makes up for it with the last 40/30 minutes or so. Pure Piranha Mayhem. Some nice cameos too… Don’t expect much from story, just relish the carnage.

Grade: B+

The American

Story: George Clooney plays a hitman out for one… last… job…

Review: Definitely feels more European than American. No big action sequences or fast paced plot. This movie slows everything down. Really takes its time and shows the paranoia of being a hitman. Liked it a lot, reminded me of Le Samourai.

Grade: A

Catfish

Story: A bunch of guys make a movie about an online relationship. Things aren’t as they seem?

Review: NOTE! NOT A HORROR MOVIE! After watching the trailer it makes it seem like Paranormal Activity meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Its not a bad film in the end, but just not my cup of tea. Although from now on when people say a movie was shot ‘like a documentary’ they better mean like this and not just standard film storytelling.

Grade: B-

Devil

Story: Five peeps are stuck in an elevator. One of them is probably The Devil.

Review: A movie (like 7 pounds) that tries to make itself seem smarter than it actually is. In the end its a pseudo Christianity movie about forgiveness and redemption. Blah blah blah. Anytime The Devil/Demons are in a movie I think its a little bit scary… except this one.

Grade: D+

Buried

Story: Ryan Reynold is buried alive. He has a cellphone. He must try to get out.

Review: The movie is wonderfully shot and expertly paced. No backstory, no flashbacks, just Ryan Reynold in the coffin the whole time. No cheating. After a while it seems like “is this really a good idea?” but in the end the dedication to the way the story needed to be told pays off. Would of been damn near perfect if only they changed one part… (Ryan Reynolds’ character does something extremely stupid in an absurd scenario. But only once.)

Grade: A

Jackass 3D

Story: Men eating gross things and doing dangerous stunts. Clothing Optional.

Review: Not quite as epic as one might imagine or hope for, but in the absence of the show, this is a glorious return. If you are a man who has the mental maturity of a 5 year old, you will laugh from beginning to end. Plus, technically speaking for just a second, they did pull of some impressive and unique shots.

Grade: A

And now… the best for last…

MACHETE

Story: Danny Trejo revives his Grindhouse trailer role and kicks ass.

Review: It is almost as if, from the very first film ever, through all the good and bad that film has to offer, most importantly Hollywood and its formulaic writing to the lowest of lows in exploitation flicks… its almost as if all that has been one giant long decades worth of setup. And Machete is the glorious punchline. One of the most absurd things I have ever seen but done so with such precision I poop myself just thinking about it.

What’s more, is that the movie actually uses everything from the Original Grindhouse trailer. Upon hearing of a Machete movie I just assumed they would start fresh, but to actually reverse engineer a movie starting with the trailer and pulling it off and have it be “cohesive” (albeit under the guise of a ‘Grindhouse’ film), that’s great filmmaking.

Grade: A+

Well everyone, sorry for the delay and I hope it won’t happen again. Until next time, That’s all folks!

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