Every Movie Sucks March/April/May 2011

Every Movie Sucks 3 Month Review
by Reginald Bateson

So I’ve been off for a while. So what. I’ve seen a lot of crap. Still looking for something at least decent in 2011…

Paul: Spoofs Close Encounters of the Third Kind, just not as funny.

Win Win: Very Apropos title. The Producers Win your money and you Win two hours to day dream in a dark theater while the movie plays.

Limitless: Another Apropos title. Aplty describes how many plot holes are in them movie.

Rango: They call these kids movies for a reason. Kids don’t know any better and can actually tolerate it.

Battle: LA: If I made this movie it would be one minute long. Aliens invade LA and human kind says “Keep it.” Roll Credits.

Insidious: Its not the movie that’s bad, its your taste in films.

Source Code: You don’t just get to watch this crappy movie once, you get to watch it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over…

Lincoln Lawyer: Matthew Mconaughey. ‘Nuff Said.

Fast Five: Fast/Furious Franchise Fail.

Hanna: If I wanted to watch a little girl go on adventures and speak different languages I’d watch Dora The Explorer.

Scream 4: Screaming out of boredom, not from the ‘horror’.

The Beaver: The last person Mel Gibson should be getting advice from is Mel Gibson, no matter what animal is on his hand.

Pom Wonderful Presents The Greatest Movie Ever Sold: I snuck into it and still wanted my money back from this shameless ad plugging ‘doc’.

Thor: Thor… more like Bore… ing… eh? eh?

This summer I predict a drought of good movies. At least theaters are air conditioned…

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