(Hunting Season) Top 5 Reasons Why Rambo is the Best Action Movie Franchise

Top 5 Reasons Why Rambo is the Best Action Movie Franchise
By Kyle Dorman with Forward/Afterword by Bret Dorman

Last Friday I wrote why I believe Mission Impossible is the Best Action Movie Franchise. Naturally, no one challenged this, because it is true. No one that is, except for (naturally) my brother. My brother and I see eye to eye on a lot of things when it comes to movies. Will Forte in The Brothers Solomon is hilarious. Lucy Liu in Lucky # Slevin is perfect. Clint Eastwood in anything is badass. The Fifth Element is without a doubt the most perfectly re-watchable movie ever created.

Some Muscles.

When it comes to action we know what’s legit and what is fake. We know who the real heroes are and who are the posers. We know what’s up. Mission: Impossible? Awesome. Rambo? Awesome. But, one thing we can’t quite agree on, is which one is the more awesomer of the awesome.

Both movies have strange similarities. Tom Cruise and Sylvester Stallone, the two big stars of the franchises, are often not taken too seriously and used as the punchline in many jokes. Both franchises have four movies a piece with a 5th on the way sometime soon-ish. Both franchises get more and more over the top without actually reaching full fledged self-parody (Rambo 3 might be ridiculous but it never plays anything for a laugh, despite some (most) finding it funny). Both franchises feature relatively little in the way of love story. Both franchises are awesome.

After reading my Top 5 arguments for M:I my brother decided Sylvester Stallone needed someone to speak up for his franchise, since no one can understand what Stallone is saying when he does the talking (Burn). He went through point by point, watched all 8 movies, twice, and took such a large amount of notes that he needed to make a Cliff Note’s version just to be able to follow his own work. He became crazy, disheveled, obsessed, all at the chance to prove me wrong. Then, instead of starting up his own blog, he asked me to put his counter arguments on mine. Me being the better man (naturally), I graciously accepted his Top 5 Rebuttals for why Rambo is the Best Action Movie Franchise. Here they are:

5) Perfect use of R

PG-13? That’s for wimps. No one wants unsupervised teenagers running
around and texting during movies. But everybody wants to see people
dying in cool Rambo ways.

4) Release Date Also Appropriate

Because any release of a Rambo movie is appropriate.

3) Changing of Source Material

First Blood – David Morrell. Rambo dies? By suicide? Good one David…
bullets can’t kill Rambo. Even if Rambo is the one shooting it.

2) Sylvester Stallone.

Nuff said (better)

1) Every Movie is the same

They have Rambo.

All muscles.

There you have it. No, you’re not reading the Cliff Notes version I mentioned earlier. My brother’s work became so large, grand, and dense that it collapsed in on itself like a dying star. What you are reading is the black hole of Top 5 arguments. Short, concise, and inescapable. No one can argue or rebuttal these rebuttals. End of discussion.

I do want to make two quick notes. Regarding “2) Sylvester Stallone. – Nuff said (better)”… When my brother read my arguments he read an abridged version via email. The original email said: “2) Tom Cruise – Nuff said.” Also, as far as “1) Every Movie is the same” goes, I just want to note not every movie is the same. The body count exponentially rises with each sequential release.

So what do you guys think? Which is better? Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt in the Mission: Impossibles? Sylvester Stallone as John Rambo in the Rambos? What if Hunt had to track down and bring in a crazy Rambo? And then they had to fight a Terminator together?! Or are we both nuts and can you point by point break down why a different action movie franchise is the best? (Good luck.)

Hunt Season! Rambo Season! Hunt Season! Rambo Season! Hunt Season! Rambo Season! Hunt Season! Rambo Season! Hunt Season! Rambo Season! Rambo Season! (blam!) You do realize... this. means. war.

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