(The Future of the Franchise) Die Hard 6 Story

Die Hard 6 Or: In Space No One Can Hear You Die Hard
Story by Bret Dorman

Walking away from the wreckage of Die Hard 5.

Walking away from the wreckage of Die Hard 5.

A Good Day To Die Hard came out and the reviews are in! The movie sucks! However the box office came in too and the results are in! It’s the #1 movie in America! This can only mean one thing. Die Hard 6 IS coming. Maybe not soon. But eventually.

Now while I agree A Good Day To Die Hard is ultimately a pretty weak entry into the franchise (mostly because of generic flaws that make most action movies weak), I disagree about certain weakspots of the actual film:

I disagree that McClane needs to be contained in a smaller scope. The franchise has been steadily expanding McClane’s “sandbox” as well as the stakes.

I disagree that McClane needs to be shown as more vulnerable again. McClane has become a cinematic icon. His indestructibility should not only be taken to a new level, but so should his willingness to exploit it.

I disagree that the movie needs to make sense and be logical. The logic of what is possible should be blown apart and the “plot twists” should become insanely ridiculous.

Love the tagline though!

Love the tagline though!

Franchises are meant to grow. As Die Hard further and further cements its place in cinema history as The Greatest Action Movie of All Time, something that even its sequels (yes, Vengeance included) have not come close to touching. The series doesn’t need to look back and see what DID work for the first movie, it needs to look ahead and see what WILL work for the genre as a whole.

I was worried that Bruce Willis might be reading all the hate filled reviews of A Good Day To Die Hard so I sent him an email encouraging him to do what he thinks is the right thing and make one more Die Hard movie. To my surprise, he called me back, flew me out to have lunch with him on his own personal jet, and we discussed the future of the franchise!!! WOW!!! He said he searched his heart and believed that the franchise needed new blood and who could give the franchise and action genre the boost it needs more than someone who writes about what it needs but has never made a movie?! What a smart man!

He paid me millions of dollars to write a proposed story for Die Hard 6. I accepted the challenge under two conditions. All, and I mean ALL, of the money I would make had to go to the charity of my choosing. I chose The Human Fund. I can’t remember how this particular charity was used in an episode of Seinfeld but I am positive it is a real thing. Second condition was that I could reveal the story, in full, on my blog.

Ladies. Gentlemen. Action Fans. People who Googled “Die Hard 6 Story” and are about to be severely disappointed and write me lots of hate mail. I give you…

DIE HARD 6
(Working Title: All’s Fair In Love and Die Hard)
Story by Bret Dorman

(SPOILERS! for Die Hard 6!)

"Who the hell are you Kid?" haha my bud Bruce Willis joking around when I asked him for a quote for this blog post. haha

“Who the hell are you Kid?” haha my bud Bruce Willis joking around when I asked him for a quote for this blog post. haha

The movie opens on John McClane (from now on referred to as McClane) on the phone. He is talking to his daughter, Lucy. There is crying in the background. She has a baby! McClane is officially a Grandpa! He expresses frustration with the ‘shit show’ that ‘they’ are running and Lucy tells him he doesn’t have to do this if he doesn’t want to. McClane apologizes and says he’ll suck it up, that it’s worth it for the easy money, after all, diapers and college aren’t cheap! ha ha!

McClane hangs up and gets a text message from Zeus saying “Goodluck buddy! Make sure they make your hair look good! lol” McClane would send a text back, but he has no idea how. What an old man!

Someone in a headset comes up and tells McClane they are ready. We walk from a dressing room through a bunch of busy backstage areas to an outside area to a stage. Someone introduces John McClane, American Hero!

McClane walks out to the podium and it is revealed there is a big military spaceship behind him. It is the first of its kind and has a new kind of space missile on board. McClane is there to give a big speech about the future of America and what it means to be a brave person. It is very exciting.

However… mid speech… there is gunfire! Terrorists in a big tank and truck come shooting their way in to the area! For the most part the people are defenseless against this kind of attack. A couple soldiers fire but they are quickly offed. McClane confidently walks around, punching things creating debris-shields for bystanders to use. He is untouched.

During the attack though, one lady from the terrorists sneaks up on McClane and holds him at gunpoint. She reveals that she is Samantha Gruber, related to Hans and Simon! Even though she has a clear opportunity to kill McClane, she doesn’t.

The terrorists climb aboard the shuttle. One official says its impossible for them to launch, but then the engines start firing up. McClane says something about how you’d think a 140 billion dollar space shuttle would be a little harder to hotwire than a BMW (Reference to the car him and Farrell steal in 4). McClane asks the officials how they plan to stop the terrorists. The officials say they can’t, that no one can.

At this moment McClane goes up to the model space suit, which is new and high tech, that was on display during his speech. He puts it on mumbling about how crazy this is. Then he goes and jumps onto the spaceship as it launches. He holds on the entire time until they are all in space. The rocket boosters detach and McClane has to jump in space from the boosters to the ship. He finds a switch that opens the docking back area and presses it. As he climbs in the ship, the crane with the missile is activated and starts to extend. The badguys are alerted to his presence. They have him surrounded and McClane presses a button that explodes the missile creating a shockwave that allows him to attack back and kill the terrorists.

McClane fights his way to Samantha, and in a zero gravity fight, manages to deliver a fatal blow with a weapon or improvised gadget. However, with her dying breath, she manages to patch McClane into a video feed to reveal Sophie Gruber, her TWIN SISTER!!! The whole point of hijacking the shuttle was to get McClane in space! Now he is totally helpless while Sophie goes around and kills ALL the McClanes! Including his Grandbaby!

Samantha dies and McClane patches into NASA asking for help. They tell him that there is nothing they can do, that the boards were sabotaged. They tell him it was very noble of him to sacrifice himself and possibly save the world from the terrorists using the bomb and let him know his legacy as an American hero will live on, but re-entry is impossible. He tells them he doesn’t care about the world, he just cares about his family. Besides, he was told lift off was impossible.

McClane patches in to Matthew Farrell. Farrell hacks into the ship and tells him the NASA people were right, re-entry is impossible. Just then McClane notices a satellite. McClane asks about that, how he hears about them crashing back onto Earth every so many years. Farrell says it would be crazy and McClane says crazy is how he stays alive. Farrell agrees to help.

McClane stays patched in through his headset and jumps out the ship and onto the satellite, which takes precise timing and incredible luck. There he gives Farrell the numbers on the satellite so he can hack it. Farrell de-activates something which causes the satellite to shut down and crash. McClane rides it all the way down and on the way, he steers the satellite to his daughter’s country home. He crashes it INTO Sophie Gruber, who was just about to kill Lucy and the baby.

Sophie with her dying breath tells McClane he will not live long to celebrate his victory, that Plan B is automatically being activated. Assuming its a bomb or something McClane asks her where and she says where it all started.

McClane kisses his family goodbye and goes to NAKATOMI PLAZA! There he sees Al Powell at the desk, who now works as a security guard while retired and growing fat on a pension. McClane goes up to the vault that Hans was originally trying to break in. He sees through computers something has started and in order to get in he has to provide a voice for recognition. He says “Yippee Kai Yay, Mother Fucker” into the computer and his voice is accepted! Just as the vault opens the sequence finishes.

The Door opens. Mist flows into the room. And out walks… MECHA-McCLANE! Since the Grubers couldn’t defeat McClane they built the ultimate weapon to kill him! Mecha-McClane has built in weapons and knows all of McClane’s moves and weaknesses.

They fight. For a while Mecha-McClane kicks his ass with weapons like Glass Shooter (instead of shooting regular bullets). McClane toughs it out and for the first time he thinks he might ACTUALLY die. He continues to fight but is broken down to the point where he physically can not stand up. Mecha-McClane reveals that after it kills McClane, it will go to EVERY bank around the world and blow it up with all its money. If the Grubers can’t have the money, no one can! Just as Mecha-McClane is about to kill McClane, Jack busts into the room and unloads a bunch of guns into it. He has a bunch of guns/rocket launchers attached to him. He starts out big (rocket lauchers, heavy duty machine guns) and as he uses all the ammo he ditches them and goes for the smaller stuff (uzis, shotgun) then the smallest (handguns) then a bat. After he hits it with a bat he says “Yee-haw mother fucker!” McClane gives him shit for his ‘stupid catchphrase’. But as Jack turns his back, Mecha-McClane gets up and is about to shoot him!!! McClane tackles Mecha-McClane and they go through a window.

McClane and Mecha-McClane fight the entire fall and McClane uses Mecha-McClane as a shield and they hit the ground just outside the entrance. McClane gets up and starts to walk away but Mecha-McClane gets on its knees and is about to shoot him. Mecha-McClane tells him all heroes must die at some point. But because of their fall, cracks in the ground made a big John McClane statue (made in honor of McClane and the terrorist incident) falls over and crushes Mecha-McClane. McClane says he’s no hero, he’s just a “regular person”. Then he goes over and rips off Mecha-McClane’s head.

The movie fades out and ends on a “Season’s Greetings” Card from The McClane Family.

Well there you have it folks. Believe it or not, that IS going to be the new Die Hard movie. Bruce Willis loves it! Do you???

Other people have the SAME JOKE AS ME! The internet is a great place...

Other people have the SAME JOKE AS ME! The internet is a great place…

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